Wedding Anniversay

Today was a rather tough day.  It would have been Bo and my 27th wedding anniversary so I have several crying episodes last night, today, and tonight.  However, I also had several telephone calls and messages from friends and family which did help.
I also have some health issues which made the day more of a trial.  Think I either have another UTI or a kidney stone.  Also the bump on my sternum is getting bigger and sorer.  My abdominal hernia is also beginning to bother me more and more.  All of this on top of the respiratory stuff that I was notified of last week.  I'm not certain the Symbicort is helping.  To me it seems to be making my breathing worse.  I have also been having some digestive issues this week.  Guess I need to break down tomorrow and call Dr. Taylor's office.  Won't do any good to go see her before Monday as Fox Army Hospital Pharmacy (where I get my prescriptions free) is closed on Fridays due to Sequestration.
Sequestration has also delayed payment of Bo's final 12 days of military pay.  However, once it get here it will help me get my bills all caught up (along with my SS check).  Everything except his funeral home bill that is.  That one will be much longer to get taken care of, but hopefully I will have enough to pay a little on it.  How wonderful it would be to not have to worry about bills.  But God does see that my needs are met.

Someone Please Turn Off The Waterworks

For the last two weeks I have been terribly weepy.  Last week it could be attributed to the fact that I was physically ill due to a bad UTI.  This week I just don't know what is going on unless it is just that grief thing.  Yesterdays waterworks started because of a mouse caught in the kitchen mousetrap.
I live in a house that is a group of houses built in an old field and at certain times the field mice decide they need to move into the house.  Therefore we have always kept mousetraps set up in a couple of places in the house.  Now in the past Bo always set the traps and disposed of any field mice who were unlucky enough to get caught.  But yesterday was the first time when I had to deal with this and it just triggers a downpour.  Of course that was compounded by the fact that I could not get the trap resat.  It appear to have been tripped so often that the part that is suppose to hold the bale has worn to where it will not hold.
It is just one more thing that in the past I did not have to deal with that now I must.  Somethings like cooking and laundry I normally do not mind, but lawn mowing, car maintenance, and dealing with mice are things I really dislike having to deal with.
Unfortunately the tears have continued today, put hopefully tomorrow will be another day.

Days Are Getting Easier

Today marks 22 days since Bo's death.  The days are getting a little easier, at least I don't have crying spells every day.  Today I checked out a couple of websites for headstones, however either of them listed prices so guess I will just have to call.  Think I have gotten all the necessary paperwork filed but do still have a telephonic interview with SSA.  Hopefully I will be able to get a little bit in survivor's benefits since Bo did not choose to sign up for military life insurance.  If that does not work I may be strapped for cash most months.  I have done all I can to lower utility costs and I have enough using my SS to pay them but it does not leave anything to pay Bo's medical bills or the funeral home bill.  I also still need to go through all of his stuff to determine what I want to keep, take to thrift store, sell, or just throw away.  But just take it a day at a time and do what I feel like doing that day.  Sometimes that means not doing anything except knitting or crocheting.  Today I have mostly played on the computer.
There have been some trying times (like when the frig decided to die) but friends, benevalence fund, and devotional readings have helped me out.  Some days seems like all I have facing me are bills, bills, and more bills.  But I also know I can only do, what I can do and that I do have help for the asking.  Asking friends and asking God in prayer.  I receive daily reminders that God is with me and has not left me here alone.
Praise His mighty name.

Have not posted to this blog in simply forever but decided I would begin again to sort of document my recovery from the loss of my very best friend and soul mate.  On June 12,2013 "Bo" Cowan lost his battle with all of his various health issues and joined his maker.  I know I will never totally get over this loss because he was such a special part of my life for the last 28 years.  Although I had been preparing for this for several weeks when the end finally came I was devastated.  It was so very, very hard to touch the face of such a loved one and find it grown cold and lifeless through death.  Only those who have experienced this can understand the pain one feels at that time.  The one thought that helps me bear this is the promise of my Lord that we will be reunited someday.  Until that time I must bear the pain of this great loss. I love you so much Bo Cowan and always will.

I'm Back

Well after not posting for some time I'm back.  I have been working 8AM-5:30PM for six weeks but will be returning to my regular schedule on Monday.  I really have not felt like doing anything once I got home except veg out watching TV and knitting.  I was working with the adolescents and they just left me drained.  The ones I had just were not ready to stop smoking marijuana except for the three weeks while they were in IOP.  Therefore, I ended the day feeling like I had been beating my head against a wall.
I also tried to attend Celebrate Recovery during this time but just never seemed to get much out of the meetings.  Maybe that is because I have already been doing what is advised.  The other thing is that I really do not like to back out once I get home.  I did complete the Network Spiritual Gifts study except for my coaching session.  Just can't seem to connect with the lady who is schedule to coach me.  Of course, other than becoming a coach myself and a mentor for ladies from the DTRM who join Asbury, I have no plans to add or delete any of the things I already do.
Next Wednesday morning we will be resuming the knitting/crocheting group meeting.  Have two new ladies who will be joining us and am really looking forward to meeting them.  One lady has already donated a couple of lovely crocheted shawls.
Finally had the bunionectomy on my left foot.  Surgery went well and the pain is almost gone.  It did however, allow me three days away from work, not that I have done much with the time except finish one cardigan and starting another one. 

Blessings of cooler weather

After a very bad thunderstorm Monday morning which woke me early, the weather has taken a wonderful turn toward the cooler side.  It is beginning to feel like Fall.  Cooler weather always makes me feel better.  It helps that Fall is also my favorite time of year.  So far the week is going well with no major crisis.  Still do not have many clients at work and therefore can spend time knitting socks and thinking about what I am reading in my current book "Radical".  It is a book that will really make you think.  It has also been convicting me about my personal relationship with God and how I share/reflect him to those around me.  I have not been a very good disciple maker and I need to work on that. 
I also met for the first time Saturday afternoon with a new care receiver.  Maybe that is a place to start, as well as at work.  At the Beth Moore Simulcast God really spoke to me about my relationship with my coworkers.  So this week I have also been working on being kinder to my coworkers.

The Law of Kindness

The simulcast was amazing as always.  Plus it really convicted me that I need to be speak more the Law/The Torah of Kindness.  In particular, there are certain people that I would be wise to stop and consider what I am about to say/post/complain about before I speak.  I really do need to stop and consider not only what I am about to say but also about my motivation for speaking.  I need to remember that what I put out there in the form of words (spoken or writen) needs to be guarded and brought under the discipline of God.  All to often I tend to complain, particularly about certain people, but also sometimes of the circumstances God has placed in my life instead of following the guidance of Colossians 3:12 where I am instructed to be thankful in all circumstances.  When I really stop and consider just what my life here in the USA is like compared to so many other places in the world, I have nothing to complain about and everything to be thankful for.