Not really related

This post is not really from the book that I'm studying but it is about becoming the woman God wants me to be. I finally decided last week to give in and have bariatric surgery (stomach reduction). Yesterday I had my very first appointment in the process. I really have begun to feel much as I did 27 years ago as I struggled with how out of control my drinking had become. My eating is now what is out of control and if I am truthful is the same as my addiction to alcohol. Once I start I can not stop on my own. I need something outside of myself to stop. I know there are those what would say that God is that outside something and I should not rely on surgery. However, just as in my early recovery days of AA I needed the fellowship (along with God) to stop drinking I need something in addition to God to help me stop over eating. Nothing else has worked and I believe that surgery is my only other option if I want to live a normal productive life. There are so many things that I would like to be able to do for Bo, for God, for Asbury and I can't do any of them because they are too painful. I can stay doped up on drugs to overcome the pain because that would just create other problems. So I have started as of today on a life changing process so that I can live another 20-25 years and enjoy my living. There are things that I really want to be able to do.