Days Are Getting Easier

Today marks 22 days since Bo's death.  The days are getting a little easier, at least I don't have crying spells every day.  Today I checked out a couple of websites for headstones, however either of them listed prices so guess I will just have to call.  Think I have gotten all the necessary paperwork filed but do still have a telephonic interview with SSA.  Hopefully I will be able to get a little bit in survivor's benefits since Bo did not choose to sign up for military life insurance.  If that does not work I may be strapped for cash most months.  I have done all I can to lower utility costs and I have enough using my SS to pay them but it does not leave anything to pay Bo's medical bills or the funeral home bill.  I also still need to go through all of his stuff to determine what I want to keep, take to thrift store, sell, or just throw away.  But just take it a day at a time and do what I feel like doing that day.  Sometimes that means not doing anything except knitting or crocheting.  Today I have mostly played on the computer.
There have been some trying times (like when the frig decided to die) but friends, benevalence fund, and devotional readings have helped me out.  Some days seems like all I have facing me are bills, bills, and more bills.  But I also know I can only do, what I can do and that I do have help for the asking.  Asking friends and asking God in prayer.  I receive daily reminders that God is with me and has not left me here alone.
Praise His mighty name.

Have not posted to this blog in simply forever but decided I would begin again to sort of document my recovery from the loss of my very best friend and soul mate.  On June 12,2013 "Bo" Cowan lost his battle with all of his various health issues and joined his maker.  I know I will never totally get over this loss because he was such a special part of my life for the last 28 years.  Although I had been preparing for this for several weeks when the end finally came I was devastated.  It was so very, very hard to touch the face of such a loved one and find it grown cold and lifeless through death.  Only those who have experienced this can understand the pain one feels at that time.  The one thought that helps me bear this is the promise of my Lord that we will be reunited someday.  Until that time I must bear the pain of this great loss. I love you so much Bo Cowan and always will.

I'm Back

Well after not posting for some time I'm back.  I have been working 8AM-5:30PM for six weeks but will be returning to my regular schedule on Monday.  I really have not felt like doing anything once I got home except veg out watching TV and knitting.  I was working with the adolescents and they just left me drained.  The ones I had just were not ready to stop smoking marijuana except for the three weeks while they were in IOP.  Therefore, I ended the day feeling like I had been beating my head against a wall.
I also tried to attend Celebrate Recovery during this time but just never seemed to get much out of the meetings.  Maybe that is because I have already been doing what is advised.  The other thing is that I really do not like to back out once I get home.  I did complete the Network Spiritual Gifts study except for my coaching session.  Just can't seem to connect with the lady who is schedule to coach me.  Of course, other than becoming a coach myself and a mentor for ladies from the DTRM who join Asbury, I have no plans to add or delete any of the things I already do.
Next Wednesday morning we will be resuming the knitting/crocheting group meeting.  Have two new ladies who will be joining us and am really looking forward to meeting them.  One lady has already donated a couple of lovely crocheted shawls.
Finally had the bunionectomy on my left foot.  Surgery went well and the pain is almost gone.  It did however, allow me three days away from work, not that I have done much with the time except finish one cardigan and starting another one. 

Blessings of cooler weather

After a very bad thunderstorm Monday morning which woke me early, the weather has taken a wonderful turn toward the cooler side.  It is beginning to feel like Fall.  Cooler weather always makes me feel better.  It helps that Fall is also my favorite time of year.  So far the week is going well with no major crisis.  Still do not have many clients at work and therefore can spend time knitting socks and thinking about what I am reading in my current book "Radical".  It is a book that will really make you think.  It has also been convicting me about my personal relationship with God and how I share/reflect him to those around me.  I have not been a very good disciple maker and I need to work on that. 
I also met for the first time Saturday afternoon with a new care receiver.  Maybe that is a place to start, as well as at work.  At the Beth Moore Simulcast God really spoke to me about my relationship with my coworkers.  So this week I have also been working on being kinder to my coworkers.

The Law of Kindness

The simulcast was amazing as always.  Plus it really convicted me that I need to be speak more the Law/The Torah of Kindness.  In particular, there are certain people that I would be wise to stop and consider what I am about to say/post/complain about before I speak.  I really do need to stop and consider not only what I am about to say but also about my motivation for speaking.  I need to remember that what I put out there in the form of words (spoken or writen) needs to be guarded and brought under the discipline of God.  All to often I tend to complain, particularly about certain people, but also sometimes of the circumstances God has placed in my life instead of following the guidance of Colossians 3:12 where I am instructed to be thankful in all circumstances.  When I really stop and consider just what my life here in the USA is like compared to so many other places in the world, I have nothing to complain about and everything to be thankful for. 

Beth Moore tomorrow

Tomorrow is the Beth Moore Simulcast that the church I attend is once again broadcasting.  I really enjoy Beth's messages and look forward to these every year.  I also have an opportunity to see people I don't get to see to often.  Don't think food will be an issue but am carrying my little food chopper just in case.  I am hoping Beth covers information from her latest book on dealing with insecurity.  This is an issue that so many women deal with, myself included. We will also be debuting the new Women's Ministry t-shirts.  Like the colors but am not real certain I like the new Women's Ministry logo (church logo is okay).  I just don't know how I feel about being called a "Jesus Girl" at my age.  However, like the meaning and significance.  This is sure to be a good day even though it means an early start.

It's Amazing

It is truely amazing how God allows each of us to hear just what he wants us to hear from a message/sermon even if it is totally different.  Yesterday as I glanced through the various posts on Facebook by people who had heard the same sermon I had that morning, I was amazed by how each of us heard different things.  What each of us heard was of importance and significance to each of us.  Some of us heard how powerful God is, some how he has a purpose for each of us, and others how we need to be of service to others.  Yet the sermon words were the same.  Each person was setting in the same service and heard the exact same sermon.  It just totally blows me away when God mets each of just where we are at that moment in our life and gives us just the message we need to hear. 
It is the same with prayer.  God heards lots of prayers all at the same time, and in some case all for the same people but the response he gives to each person who prays maybe different. 
What a truely wonderful and awesome God we serve that can speak to each person's heart. It makes me feel humble and also makes me want to be obedient to the message I hear.